This Trap She Married Into
by Infallible.Mirage
Summary: ...But it turned out love was easily eroded away, and what was left was a trap neither magic nor combat could get her out of... Songfic Alanna x Jon


**Disclaimer: Own the plot, not the characters. The song is "Stranger" by Hilary Duff.  
**

* * *

_Nobody believes me when I tell them that you're out of your mind!  
Nobody believes me when I tell them that there's so much you hide._

It took all of her courtly manners, all of the etiquette that had been drilled into her head over endless boring lessons, to even pretend to be listening to what her partner was saying. She finally had to let conversation go, and just concentrate on following the steps of this intricate dance, all the while darting glances at _him. _He was standing by the thrones, talking to Princess Josiane of the Copper Isles. She saw the two of them laughing lightly and felt like an arrow was piercing her heart. Goddess, she missed the days when they talked that easily.

_ You treat me like a queen when we go out,  
Wanna show everyone what our love's about,  
All wrapped up in me whenever there is a crowd,_

She remembered vividly that party in this same room, just three years ago. They had spent the entire evening dancing, holding each other closer than etiquette allowed. For once she'd felt no awkwardness at all being at such a social event. She remembered the sweep of his lips brushing her ear as he whispered sweet nothings while they twirled along the dance floor. She remembered that one long look that expressed everything, and the way he gently squeezed her hand as they made quick excuses and hurried back to their bedroom.

_But when no one's around..._

Her mind flashed unwillingly back to the present._  
_

Tears came to her eyes as she caught the look in his. Even from all the way across the huge ball room, she could see... _  
_

_There's no kindness in your eyes,  
The way you look at me, it's just not right.  
I can tell what's going on this time  
There's a stranger in my life.  
You're not the person that I once knew.  
Are you scared to let them know it's you?  
If they could only see you like I do,  
Then they would see a stranger too._

"Alanna?" her dance partner paused, "what's wrong? I really don't think I stepped on your foot _that_ hard!" The concern in his voice broke through her reverie, and the worried look in his sharp eyes broke through the wall she had built around herself. Suddenly, she couldn't stand this any longer.

Alanna mumbled an excuse to Gary and fled the room, feeling _his_ eyes trace her as she walked out.

She hurried back to their rooms as fast as her feet would allow her. She brushed past the startled guard as she entered their room. Then Alanna threw herself onto the bed and sobbed, letting all the hurt and anger finally push it's way out. Scenes flashed through her mind as she cried into the already-soaked bedsheets. _  
_

_Did I ever do anything that was this cruel to you?_

_**---** _That one fight where he slapped her with such force she'd reeled backwards, then suddenly grabbed her and kissed her hard as they'd heard footsteps entering the room._**---**_

_ Did I ever make you wonder who was standing in the room?_

_**---** _The many times she'd been about to tell Gary, Raoul or the others, just to find him there first, jokingly telling them she was "so incredibly emotional these days, you can't trust a word she says!" _**---**_

_ You made yourself look perfect in every way,  
So when this goes down, I'm the one that will be blamed._

_**---**_ The love letter from that woman she had found in his drawer, not even locked, as well as the half written reply he had penned. She only had time to read a few sentences, but that was more than enough to finally figure things out. He'd walked in while she was reading, and he'd said nothing, even though she was still holding the letter in her hand. Just told her gruffly to hurry up and get ready for the meeting with the Tyran embassy. _**---**_

_ Your plan is working so you can just walk away,  
Baby your secret's safe._

The chamber door opened and closed behind her and she didn't look up. She knew who it was. She always knew where he was. And it made it all the more unbearably painful, because she was aware the second he walked into a room, but that awareness gave her nothing but dread now.

"Alanna the Lioness, warrior queen of Tortall...crying?" he mocked, his tone so far removed from playful teasing she could hardly recognize it, "What would all your admirers say?"

She said nothing. There was no point. When she lost her temper, he used it against her. When he lost his...she shivered involuntarily.

_There's no kindness in your eyes,  
The way you look at me, it's just not right.  
I can tell what's going on this time,  
There's a stranger in my life._

His voice hardened into an accusation, "You left the party early."

"I was tired." Tired of him, tired of being trapped, tired of not having any control in her life. But he didn't know that --- or maybe he did...

"It was the welcoming of the new ambassador of Carthak, and for Princess Josiane visiting Tortall again. Do you think you made a very good impression?"

She remembered a time when he'd cared more about her than about impressions.

_You're not the person that I once knew,  
Are you scared to let 'em know it's you?  
If they could only see you like I do,  
Then they would see a stranger too._

It was amazing the impact one word could have. More and more often, she wondered what her life would be like now if she'd said 'no' to that question in the desert. Better, that's for sure, if only because nothing could be as horrible as this. She'd had doubts of course, of whether she'd be able to fit into the role she would have to play. And he'd been so...commanding that day, as if her answer was obvious, that a part of her wanted to refuse just to prove she had a will of her own. But how could she have? She loved him, utterly and completely, and she was sure he loved her back.

But it turned out love was easily eroded away, and what was left was a trap neither magic nor combat could get her out of.

_Such a long way back, from this place we are at...  
When I think of all the time I've wasted, I could cry._

_"_Josiane!" she couldn't help blurting out, covering up the larger hurt with a pointless argument "Why...why do you talk to her so much? You know I can't stand the woman!"

"She's our guest. And besides, she's an asset to our court. She's gracious, charming, poised," he emphasized each word, clearly implying that Alanna was none of that, "the marks of a good royal. Huh...and probably fertile too."

She _had_ to ignore that last comment, though tears were threatening to surface again. That was interesting, she hadn't thought she had any tears left.

_ There's no kindness in your eyes,  
The way you look at me, it's just not right.  
I can tell what's going on this time,  
There's a stranger in my life._

Her reply betrayed none of the turmoil going on inside her, proving she had learned something from being a queen, "You didn't used to like her either. You said she was cold and cruel."

"Things change," his tone was steady too, proving he was still better than her at this, "She's the niece of King Oron. Sometimes diplomacy and politics matter more then personal feelings. Speaking of politics, we need to have another dinner for the Carthaki duke, we don't want his first report back to be unfavourable. Tomorrow night should be fine, I expect you to stay the entire evening this time."

_You're not the person that I once knew,  
Are you scared to let 'em know it's you?  
If they could only see you like I do  
Then they would see a stranger too._

_"_I'm going back to the ball. I only came because Gary was worried if my _darling_ wife was okay. _Princess Josiane_ and I have a conversation to finish. I'll tell everyone you had stomach pains." She heard footsteps head toward the door as he spoke.

He paused at the door and looked back, "And one more thing."

Alanna peeled herself off the sheets and finally turned to face him, asking with as much dignity as she could muster with her face red and swollen, "Yes?" _  
_

_There's no kindness in your eyes,  
The way you look at me, it's just not right.  
I can tell what's going on this time,  
There's a stranger in my life._

_"_Wear high heels tomorrow at dinner. Maybe that'll make you seem less _ridiculously_ short." He walked out and closed the door behind him.

Alanna sank back onto the bed and shivered. In the split second their eyes had met, she had seen something that shocked her to her very core. Not the absence of love, she was used to that by now... No, she'd seen something flash in his normally expressionless eyes, a feeling she wished desperately to have read wrong...

_You're not the person that I once knew,  
Are you scared to let 'em know it's you?  
If they could only see you like I do,  
Then they would see a stranger too._

Disgust. _  
_

* * *

**A/N: Angsty, yes I know. Sorry to portray Alanna so weak, and Jon so evil (I actually love AJ), but I couldn't help wondering what might have happened if she'd married him. I do hope you all guessed it was Jon by the end:) Review, and tell me if this was too long for such a depressing story. Strange that my longest chapter is my oneshot...Oh well. Enjoy! No wait, that's not the right word is it... **


End file.
